Wish I could be the one,
the one who could give you love.
The kind of love you really need.
--
Wish I could say to you
that "I'll always stay with you"
But baby that's not me.
---
You need someone
willing to give their heart and soul to you
promise you forever,
baby that's something I can't do.
---
Oh I could say that "I'll be all you need"
but that would be a lie.
I know I'd only hurt you,
I know I'd only make you cry.
---
I'm not the one you're needing.
I love you, goodbye.
---
I hope someday you can
find some way to understand.
I'm only doing this for you
and I don't really want to go
But deep in my heart I know
this is the kindest thing to do
--
You'll find someone who'll be the one
that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that "I'll be all you need"
but that would be a crime.
I know I'd only hurt you,
I know I'd only make you cry.
I'm not the one you're needing.
I love you, goodbye.
---
Leaving someone when you love someone
it's the hardest thing to do.
When you love someone as much as I love you,
I don't want to leave you
And it tears me up inside.
But I'll never be the one you're needing.
---
I love you, goodbye.
Posted by Iris-Champagne on December 11, 2019 at 09:11 AM | leave a mark

One day I got a call from a client and it brought back all things I've been running from.

After the shock has worn off, I managed to compose myself and relaize that the past has caught on. 

It was dumb and stupid. I never thought I'd go back to that place again. 

I refused to get dragged in to something I wish to have left in the past; the past is only a bunch of lessons that made me who I am now. It is not a place I can go back to. 

I managed to pawn off the job to a colleague, but something in my gut felt like I should have seen it through myself; after all, my retainer wasn't expired. 

Just like Lucifer himself, handing out favors to be collected in a time of my choosing seems like pure evil. However, if you've managed to survived this long from all the horrible things you've done, it seems like a logical thing to have as a form of insurance for your safety and those I wish to protect. 

But I was not prepared of everything that comes after. 

I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. I feel nothing or everything. My lack of grey area is part of my life's charm. It can also be the end of me. 

This time, after a crazy 47 hours, I find myself flirting with Death all over again. That one single call to arms took me over everything I have pressed pause on feeling for the past 5 years; and now, the feeling of guilt and chaos is brewing in my mind. 

I stare blankly and comtemplate of meeting Death due not to execcessive pain, nor stress. This time its different. It's that rare occassion that feels like you are floating between worlds of everything and nothing at the same time - between chaos & destruction vs. rest & silence. 

Passion & Peace took hold of me and I started making a lethal list.

 

...and from then, I take my night medication, and hope I never wake up the next day.

lamentations


Yet, I'm still here.

Such a disappointment.

--- 

Posted by Iris-Champagne on December 10, 2019 at 08:57 AM | leave a mark
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