Iris-Champagne

Medically induced death only to be revived again is a sick joke.

30 seconds feels like forever when you're drifting between life and death.

Grasping at straws as you begin to realize you need to breathe and that need transports you to an odd-familiar place you have never been before where every person you meet leaves you enchantedly perplexed. 

Then, suddenly a heat radiating from your chest and a voice inside your head starts calling your name; as you fall lost in that dream, you are distorted back to reality. Yet, the name you thought was yours was no where near who you really are. 

Hair light as day, ivory skin and iridescent azure-teal eyes that seems to beguile all being that gazes; one moment in his presence is enough to forever change your course. Draped in strong elegance, his movements and stances befalls to a rhythm that you cannot hear; as you discern every beat and ascertain that he is, indeed, moving to the rhythm and the beats of your heart, a feeling.

That feeling of comfort and peace; being fully understood by another being, yet disconected from reality, wanting to eternally stay in that moment. Then, suddenly, before the reset clock strikes, my spirit is dragged to another place, opening my eyes whilst hearing unfamiliar voices clmouring with a sense of relief saying: "Welcome back to the land of the living." 

"We thought we lost you, miss."  added another unfamiliar voice.

It was then, it became clear to me, that I died and just woken up in time to elude permanent brain damage. 

Moved to a hospital ward, knowing that I'd be getting more test and waiting with the drowning feeling in my chest. "This has happened before, when will I learn?" I asked myself.

Reflecting on the man I just saw and trailing back to his memories as I fall back to sleep thinking

"No one in this world knows how to treat this kind of illness."

---

"I've been to Georgia, California, Nice, Monte Carlo, Greece, Tokyo and anywhere I could run, but ran out of places and friendly faces, because I had to be free."

"I've been undressed by kings and have seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see."

"Sometimes, I've been crying for unborn children, that might have made me complete; and I took the sweet life, I never knew that I'd be bitter from the sweet."

"Then, I spent my life exploring, and the subtle libertinism that cost too much to be free."

"I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me."

---

Mentally disturbed with no sense of time and being, weak through and through, I forced myself to stand as I rummaged through the pile of stuff I gathered before checking in the medical facility. Found my mobile and at the top of the recent's list, his name appeared. "a friend" reprieved, I muttered, as I tapped his name and sent him an SMS. 

"You give terrible medical advice. lol." I sent him. 

No explanations why I sent what I sent. Only a feeling, a reminsence of comfort and relief that there is a "real" and "familiar" being on the other end of the line. 

"A good man; a harmless man." I thought to myself as fond memories of this friend resonated a slideshow in my mind.

---

Suddenly, as one recollection leads to another, flashbacks of who I am (was), where I'd been and the faces of people who raised me started to relive in my head as if a "fresh start" is never possible. 

Intantaneously, my brain shuts off and the only thing left is a reminder that:

"A harmless man is not a good man;

A good man is an extremely dangerous man who has it

under voluntary control."

I am such a man;

lest I belie myself,

I deserve all that is coming my way in atonement for my sins. 

---

Nothing for me here anymore, and I am tired.

Perhaps it's that time of the year to put the blindfolds on

and Russian Roulette the decisions on to my next destination?

Or maybe, I am your Sweet Russian Roulette.