Entries for June, 2012

I have a problem, and Its eating up whole. I find it hard to concentrate on the things I'm supposed to.

 

I've been questioning myself a lot lately, losing confidence in my own self, my choices, my mind and my own sanity Its something inconceivable, I suppose.. ..but it is happening. I don't know how, why or when it happened, I'm just seeing myself dwindling down and getting devoured and being consumed by the complex emotions and situations. I need help, but I don't feel welcome anywhere, not anymore. I'm afraid. I'm tired and I'm scared of being constantly lost in my own mind. I'm Confused. I'm in Pain. 

 

One day I might not be able to come back from the deep end. I feel like i dont have the strength to fight back anymore, and when I break.... There is not turning back.. 

 

...not that i dont want to come back.... its hard... extremely difficult...

 I keep on telling myself "I'll be alright. One day, Someday... but NOT TODAY." But once darkness has settled in, Its hard to see the light.... I feel Alone. blind. i don't know where to go... aimlessly wandering in the dark.....

 

not today? i asked myself. tomorrow? ... NO. i dont know.. because I feel so lost.

 

I just.... I need a home ....I need a place to rest and a person to rest with..

 

I need help... ..a place.. anywhere I can go to... 

 

..please take care of me. ..someone who understands..... who'll just let me be... simply me...

 

A home.... a place i can rest in.... a person i can rest with....

 

i need help....... a place i can go to....

 

someone.... i'll take anyone..

 

 

please..

Posted by Iris-Champagne on June 10, 2012 at 07:17 PM | leave a mark

It's a funny title, actually, but hey! My seatmate, Mr. Gau Jao and Ms. Joy Capin knew I was gloomy all day, they didn't even ask why I was feeling down, they just tried to cheer my up with whatever they can.

 

Amazing new set of friends, YAY!! :D 

 

In the end, Mr. Jao made a "mural" on the back of my hand while they joked around and made fun of each other all while he was drawing.

 

All in all, it was a Mythology class well spent with my new friends. 

 

So, Thank you, The Amazing mr. Jao for the Night Fury and for cheering me up today~! <3

 

 

Feelings and emotions have not been changed that fast, but I'm taking it slow -  one scary and overwhelming thought and experience at a time.

 

I'll be Alright, Someday, Oneday, but not Today. 

 

 

...still, Thank you. 

 

 

 

Posted by Iris-Champagne on June 13, 2012 at 12:37 AM | leave a mark

If you believe in yourself its called confidence. It's confidence if you have something to show for, something that can back up your talk with the actual walk. Lack of knowledge, skill and competence is just all talk, cockiness or even just plain delusional. 

 

Fearing of what other people might say is just high horse ego, could also be kayabagan in Filipino, that state of mind where you fear that people might say something bad about you, because it will make you reflect that you are not at par with the standards of society or you are lacking something. What people might say about you that are either good or bad. However, it is how you make of things that will truly define who you are as a person and as a professional 

 

 

With that said, I am only responsible for the things I utter and not the things you understand because the way people see things are not the way things are, but how the people themselves are. It's all about perspectives.

 

change

 


The question is:  when "change" is constant anyways, Why not change the way you look at things so that the things you see, though the same, will also change? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by Iris-Champagne on June 17, 2012 at 09:20 AM | leave a mark
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